Just this once
by Plum'oh
Summary: Ed wants to be selfish, and this is stupid but his heart sometimes takes over his brain. / pre-movie.


**Rating: ** K

 **Summary:** Ed wants to be selfish, and this is stupid but his heart sometimes takes over his brain.

 **Disclaimer: ** The characters belong to Hiromu Arakawa.

Hello!

This is NaNoWriMo time so I wrote this little piece of work. I love FMA03, I love CoS and I love Alfons. ;w; I stumbled upon deleted scenes from the movie so I wanted to write one of them.

Enjoy!

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 **One-shot:** Just this once

Ed basically learnt German in one year through reading, speaking with people and picking up all the new words he came across. He wasn't awkward anymore when he talked and people he frequented told him that his accent was almost gone, as if he had been living in Germany forever. Needless to say that he was quite proud of this achievement because stuterring and not getting his idea heard fucking sucked; for two months he struggled to keep a conversation without becoming frustrated because of his lack of vocabulary—especially when he tried to explain more scientific stuff that people seemed to completely be clueless about.

That was why he liked Alfons. Alfons was patient, kind and helpful; he took the time to teach him some idioms and point out the mistakes he would make, and Ed was so grateful that he could have hugged him. But he didn't because one, Edward Elric didn't do hugs, and second, he wouldn't let himself be so touchy-feely with his brother's _doppelgänger_. That was out of the question. He didn't even hug his father for fuck's sake, why would he go aroung hugging strangers? Alfons wasn't a stranger, but still alien to Ed's mind. It would feel so _wrong_.

One day, at breakfast, Alfons mentioned that he met two brothers during one of his classes, and that he mistook the younger brother for the older one. Ed didn't dare lift his head from his plate as his blood froze and his jaw stiffened.

"The older brother got a bit mad," Alfons chuckled. "I guess people often make the same assumption as me. I felt bad after that."

Ed swallowed, slowly releasing the death grip he had on his fork and let out a shuddering breath he tried to hide by a light snicker.

"Yeah? Did the big bro throw a tantrum?" he asked carefully.

"Oh, not really, he just loudly sighed and corrected me. But as I said it seems to happen a lot since the younger brother called him _'grosser Bruder'_ in a sort of fond exasperation?"

Alfons was smiling and seemed amused by the whole situation. Ed shoved another piece of sausage in his mouth and averted his eyes—if he looked at Alfons he was sure he would see his Al, younger, sand hair, wide grey eyes, and a huge smile too, but a smile more tender, more comforting.

"I thought German people don't call their siblings like that," he says. "Big brother and stuff."

"Well, it's true that I haven't met anyone who did that," Alfons replied with a hint of curiosity.

"Back home that was like titles. You could hear people being called _grosse Schwester_ or _grosser Bruder_ and that was normal. Actually, it was expected from younger siblings to call their older siblings like that."

"Is that so?"

Ed didn't need to look at Alfons to know that there was a mild crease between his brows betraying his attempt at acting casual, but Ed didn't care and went on just to get it off his chest.

"Yeah. My younger brother called me _Nii-san_. That's big brother."

Ed finished up his plate and got up, putting the dish in the sink and went back to his room without looking once at Alfons.

* * *

When winter rolled around, Ed paid extra attention to their clothes because winters in Munich were fucking cold. He wondered once if he should be glad to have these prostheses instead of automails because the cold would have bitten him in the ass more times than he would count, but it didn't mean that it didn't hurt. When Alfons was occupied with something in the apartment, sometimes Ed would discreetly fetch two warm towels to put on his shoulder and knee to alleviate the pain—no matter how many layers of clothes he wore, the joints of his prostheses would pull on his limbs and the aching sensation would never cease.

But this time, even if the cold was bothering him and he wanted to snuggle under a blanket, he had work to do and a coughing Alfons to take care of.

"Really Edward, you don't need to stay by my side all day," Alfons assured him. "I've had colds before, I can take care of myself. You still have research to finish, don't you?"

"That can wait," Ed grumbled. "I _told_ you to wear a warmer sweater and a scarf, but you didn't listen. Now look at you!"

Ed put the tray on Alfons's lap, then filled a glass of water on the bedside. Alfons let out a light laugh escape his throat.

"You know, it's probably one of the few times you cook something," he teased, humor in his eyes.

Ed rolled his eyes. "That's just a damn soup. Eat up and take your medicine."

"You should eat too, with me bedridden I'm pretty sure you didn't have anything consistent in the past twenty-four hours."

Ed pulled a face and waved his hand, dismissing the concern.

"I'm alright, I can go without eating for a day anyway," he shrugged.

Alfons frowned.

"This isn't healthy, what if one day you're so engrossed in your work that you don't notice your pleading stomach? And gods know how much food you can inhale, though."

"Hey, I don't eat that much," Ed retorted. "And I do get my head out of my work. Sometimes."

"Edward, the world could end and you wouldn't even be aware," Alfons shook his head and began eating.

" _Brother, sometimes you would be more aware of the mistake in a book than of the world potentially ending outside of the library."_

Ed swallowed, the knot in his stomach twisting his guts in a sickening loop as his hand started clenching and unclenching, his eyes trying their best not to look shiny and painfully aware of the situation. Alfons kept eating, but the absence of reply made him look up and worry washed over his face.

"Are you all right?" he asked. "Have you been sleeping well these past days?"

Ed managed a small smile and chuckled. Figured that Alfons would notice the faint shift in the atmosphere—and that he would be concerned about Ed's occasional lack of sleep.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Ed replied. "I was just remembering how it feels to act like the older one."

"You _are_ older, even though it's true you don't act like it most of the time," Alfons smiled.

"I guess so," Ed snorted. "You... don't have siblings, do you?"

Alfons shook his head.

"No, but I wish I had. It seems rather great to have brothers or sisters to argue with or to rely on."

"It is," Ed grinned.

He paused, his mouth hanging open with words ready to leave—but he couldn't say them. Something kept throbbing in his head and his heart couldn't stop beating like a hammer; he wasn't even thinking straight, throat dry and eyes weary, like he really didn't sleep.

"Hey Alfons?"

"Yes?" Alfons blinked.

"You don't have siblings but—maybe you could..."

Ed's voice trailed, smaller with each word, and he couldn't bring himself to look Alfons in the eye—this was so, so stupid, so pathetic that he wanted to be buried in a hole and never come out. But his mind found the solution to what his heart was lacking, even if the pounding in his chest indicated anything but the right choice. He doubted he wouldn't regret it.

"You could—try to call me, just this once—"

 _Nii-san_ , the sentence hung in the air, unfinished as Alfons coughed and coughed, ragged breaths coming out of his throat in a painful chain. Ed scurried to the bedside and snatched the glass of water, offering it to Alfons who took it and downed its content. There was a moment of silence where they both made sure the worse had passed, hoping that another fit of coughing wouldn't appear. Alfons sighed and passed a hand on his face.

"I'm sorry, I must be more tired than I thought. What were you saying?"

Ed's heart sank but somewhere in his brain relief filled up the whole space. He smiled and patted Alfons's head.

"Nah, that was nothing. Go to sleep," he said.

Alfons's eyes were wide with surprise at Ed's gesture, but he didn't get to say anything as Ed walked away with the tray—he also felt the hand lingering in his hair, and that only added more confusion in the issue.

And Ed shut the door behind him, went to the kitchen to wash the dishes, all the while laughing, bitter and sad and desperate but unable to talk to anyone to ease the lonely pain that tugged at his heart.

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I hope you liked it! A little review? :3


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